Zac Efron in a corset? 50 Cent doing the time warp? As the classic movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show arrives on Blu-ray, Louisa argues that now is the perfect time for a remake...
Imagine you're holding a photo album full of cherished childhood memories: you riding your first bike, building a sandcastle on a windy beach, baking cakes with your nan. Now imagine a movie exec going at your album with a copy of Empire magazine and a Stanley knife until your BMX has become a podracer, it's Matthew Broderick with the bucket and spade, and Jaden Smith seems to be making a victoria sponge with Nicole Kidman in a CGI version of your nan's kitchen. Not quite the same, is it?
Once you've seen those versions, it's difficult not to forget them. Whenever you think back to the real memories, the other ones are still lurking around, tainting them.
Like the belief some cultures have that being photographed steals part of your soul, when a film we love is remade it can feel like a little piece of it is taken away. Even if we ignore the new versions, the originals seem somehow altered. Fans get het up about remakes because this stuff feels like it's ours. It's our lives and our memories being tinkered with, and a lot of the time it's not welcome.
Which is why when October not only saw the release of the 35th anniversary edition Blu-ray of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but also the revival of yet more remake rumours (this time with Glee and Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy at the helm), there wasn't a whole lot of love coming from Transylvaaaniaa-uh-huh.
Rumours of a Rocky Horror remake have popped up every so often since Richard O'Brien's 1981 sort of sequel Shock Treatment, but the current studio lust for remakes makes it more likely than ever that these whispers might now become a reality.
In 2008, MTV announced their intention to produce a new version of the cult classic, news which sent many fans of the original movie and stage show screaming to the forums to wail over the possibility of Zac Efron strutting out of that elevator in a corset, Miley Cyrus sliding down the bannister in a maid's uniform or (and this might actually be worth seeing) 50 Cent doing the time warp.
The slew of online petitions, YouTube pleas and Facebook groups that sprang up in response to the MTV news are likely to be revived in the light of the news that Fox 2000 are courting Murphy to spearhead a new remake (without the involvement or blessing of creator Richard O'Brien) in the wake of the recent Rocky Horror-themed episode of Glee.
So, why the hubbub? Well, the word ‘cult' is bandied around a lot in the world of entertainment, but very few movies or stage shows can lay more claim to it than Rocky Horror. The 1970s midnight screenings at New York's Waverly Theatre, where crowds of regulars began the Rocky Horror tradition of arriving in costume with an arsenal of props and shouting additional dialogue at the screen, has become the stuff of legend. (It's the midnight experience that the new Blu-ray aims to recreate in your living rooms, giving you the chance to throw virtual rice and digital toast from the corner of the screen in a sterile recreation of tradition that's probably kinder to your home furnishings than the real thing).
After a shaky box office start, Rocky Horror is considered to be the longest running release in film history, having played worldwide in cinemas for 35 years. In the mid-seventies its blend of sex and songs, costumes and comedy, and hefty number of fan-boy movie references seized the attention of a small group of fans who began an obsession that has endured for decades. But what explains its longevity?
Adapted in 1975 from the UK stage show, the film does the same job as all good sci-fi and horror movies by transferring people's real-life fears onto fantastical creatures and situations. But this time the threat wasn't coming from the atom bomb or communism. It came from inside people's homes and families.
Created at a time when the ripples of the sexual revolution were being felt across America, O'Brien's film satirises fear of any sexuality that deviates from the Ralph 'n' Betty or Brad 'n' Janet model with a smart premise.
Ignorant enough to think of gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender or transvestite people as aliens from outer space hell-bent on corrupting America's innocence? Well, voila! Just as Buffy The Vampire Slayer made the point that high school can be a monstrous experience by filling the halls of Sunnydale High with real monsters. Rocky Horror takes small town fear of difference to its natural conclusion by showing so-called 'deviant' sexualities to be even more outrageous and devious than people feared.
So, here comes the rub. I think they should do the remake.
Maybe depressingly, now seems like the perfect time for a decent satire on the parochial fear of difference, whether it's men in fishnets, women in veils or US presidents with foreign-sounding names. If Rocky Horror did it once, then in the right hands, it could do it again. But is Ryan Murphy the man to do it?
The recent Rocky Horror-themed episode of Glee ends with Will Shuester making a subtext-laden speech about how Rocky Horror gave outcasts and people on the fringes a place they could feel they belonged. Well, maybe. But doesn't that all sounds just a bit warm and fuzzy for Rocky Horror?
If Murphy does take on the project, let's hope he hangs on to Glee's more acerbic lines, but loses the feel-good moments. The original is a hugging- and learning-free zone. If it doesn't stay that way, then Murphy deserves to join Eddie in the freezer.
There's also the question of casting. Fan chatter has unimaginatively linked Marilyn Manson, Russell Brand and Lady Gaga with the Frank-N-Furter role, none of whom will cut it, showing what a rare package indeed is needed to fill Tim Curry's satin panties.
A major reason not to get hot and flustered about the remake is that it's already been done. Rocky Horror has been remade pretty much continually for 30-odd years. Hell, it's probably even being remade as we speak. Perhaps not in the usual way, but in performances and screenings in theatres, cinemas and living rooms around the country, people are remaking Rocky Horror by shouting new lines, using new props and dragging along lipstick-anointed virgins who will go on to do the same to others.
Richard O'Brien and Lou Adler bid their hideous progeny to go forth and prosper, and fittingly for its B-movie loving creators, it's alive!
So, while I understand the pain that's caused by redundant cash-in remakes from studios unwilling to take risks with original material, I won't be signing any petitions against the new RHPS. If it's good, it could be great and if it's not, at least we've still got the original and the new Blu-ray, which looks beautiful in its 1080p 2K/4K master and sounds fantastic with a DTS-HD 7.1 mix and a host of other ‘extras' goodies.
Remaking movies is a tradition almost as old as the art form itself. Like theatre directors putting on a new Hamlet, it can give cinematic audiences a chance to see the material in a new light and could even show us a new way to love an old favourite.
Having said all that, if anyone touches Labyrinth I will cut them.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show is out now on Blu-ray and available from the Den Of Geek Store.
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