As 2011 draws to a close, James looks back over the year’s films, and concocts his very own awards ceremony to celebrate the best of them…
Drum roll and peppy fanfare, please. 2011 is coming to a close, which means it's time to construct end of year lists. "Build it and they will come," as Kevin Costner once said in a baseball movie. I, however, don't like this sort of activity, and don't think I can do it, partly because I find it impossible to work out what my favourite thing is.
How, after all, can you compare, say, X-Men: First Class, The Tree Of Life, Immortals, The Extraordinary Adventures Of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Submarine and The Troll Hunter? And, indeed, which one is 'best'?
The answer is you can't – none of them are better, and you shouldn't even try to find a favourite 'superior' flick, because moods are fleeting, minds and memory are fickle monsters, and gluing yourself to one place is a sticky, stultifying business.
Remembering all the movies released this year, my mind goes reeling, overwhelmed and amazed by just how many excellent flicks I’ve enjoyed at the cinema. A flood of happy memories, spectacular moments and affecting experiences rush through, and I struggle to control or condense them into something coherent.
If I started reflecting in detail on a year’s worth of assorted motion pictures – most of which I’ve given the thumbs up, because my standards are in the gutter and my cynicism gets left in the lobby – I’d be here until 2013. It’d be impossible to try and come up with a top 10 or best-of list, so I’ll put down my decree that, films of 2011, you are all totally excellent, dudes. (Cue synchronised celebratory air guitar outbreak.)
What I will do, though, aside from labelling every single movie I’ve seen a winner simply for existing and touching my life in some small way, is pass out some special awards to a select few.
Think of the following as Brownie badges for an amazing achievement, or view it as the equivalent of getting an MBE or OBE because you’ve worked for the greater good. Imagine me as the Queen, retrospectively gazing across the contemporary cinema scene, seeing inspiring icons that magically reach out beyond the screen to the realm of reality. Extra kudos and "I'm special!" stickers are on hand, and I'm here to bestow them.
Ladies, gentlemen, and apes who are rising to take over the planet, a round of applause for the following distinguished luminaries...
Social Outcast Empowerment Award
Rutger Hauer for Hobo With A Shotgun, dealing with destitution with a double-barrel and bloody determination that the underdog will have his day.
Venkman-Zeddemore-Stantz-Spengler Ghost Bustin' Prize
Jeff Bridges for his Rooster Cogburn in True Grit, blowing the spectre of John Wayne well and truly into the afterlife.
Sweet Odin’s Raven Award for Trans-Dimensional Harmony and Asgard-Earth Relations
Thor, for bridging the gulfs between Norse mythology, the Marvel Comics multiverse and the rational actuality of 21st century Earth. Captain America gets the honour of sharing this one.
Chev Chelios Extreme Adrenaline-Crank King Crown
James Franco for 127 Hours, because cutting off your own arm for kicks and the viewer’s perverse voyeuristic pleasure is beyond hardcore.
Distinction for Delightfully Drab Set Design
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy for proving that the striking power of subtle acting is accentuated by dreary, Cold War-drained 70s backdrops.
Extraordinary Urban Youth Enterprise Prize
Attack The Block for taking disenfranchised, underprivileged inner city kids off the streets and engaging them in stimulating social work, namely protecting London from glow-in-the-dark alien invaders.
Jim Henson Medal for Overcoming Depression with Puppetry
Mel Gibson for The Beaver, radically fighting a midlife crisis with a Michael Caine-impersonating rodent muppet.
Love Overcoming the Agents of Fate and the Space-Time Continuum Award
Two recipients, The Adjustment Bureau and Source Code, both for challenging predestination in order to provide the sweet promise of romantic resolution.
Prestige Prize for Slipping Sci-fi into Middle England
Well done Never Let Me Go for moving audiences to tears and deep intellectual debate. First class work in making powerful, unique science fiction material and hiding it in what appears on the surface to be a standard, very British boarding school drama.
Film History Educational Services Star Turn
Martin Scorsese and Hugo, a love letter to silent cinema and a lesson on the marvellous visions of George Méliès wrapped in a wonderful family-friendly mystery adventure film.
Golden Umbilical Cord Award for Incredible Midwifery
Ron Perlman for performing a C-section in the middle of the battlefield and delivering the eponymous Cimmerian hero right at the beginning of Conan The Barbarian.
Seven Samurai Action Overkill Award
Takashi Miike’s jidaigeki feature 13 Assassins gets a wild roar for basically taking Seven Samurai several steps further to produce a pyrotechnic bloodbath that takes up half the running time.
Raoul Duke Gonzo Spirit Medal
Rango, for turning Hunter S. Thompson into a lizard and putting him in an animated weird western.
The award ceremony is already overrunning, so I’ll have to stop there. Films of 2011, you all get a Vimto-flavoured lollipop and great gushing thanks from the bottom of my heart. See you in 2012 - it's going to be excellent. (Cue celebratory air guitar outbreak.)
James' previous column can be found here.
You can reach James on his Twitter feed here, see his film cartoons here and more sketches here, while his Thing Attack Advent Calendar sketches can be found here.
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